Hello...is anybody there?

Do you ever have times when there feels like there is a jamming device between you and God? That's where I've been this last week, it just doesn't feel like my prayers are making it to God's ears. I'm so glad I've walked with God long enough to know just because that's how it "feels" that doesn't mean that's how it "is". I keep going to back to the Bible and finding scripture that reminds me God is with me. Psalms 46: 7 & 11 both say "The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress." Twice in one chapter, God says The Lord Almighty is with us. He doesn't say He's with us occasionally, or He's with us when we're obeying Him, or when He feels like it. It says The Lord Almighty is with us. So for me it becomes a choice; I can believe what it feels like or believe what God says. I am reminded of a devotional I heard several years ago, right after I got laid off the first time. The man was telling us that we needed to keep doing what we knew we supposed to do but that to worry about all the things we could not control was a waste of time and a lack of faith. I choose to believe that God is with me and not only with me but that He delights in the details of my life just like it says in Psalms 37:23-24. We are just going to keep doing what God tells us to do, keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep on believing and trusting that God is in control and God has a plan just like He promises in Jer 29:11, a plan to prosper us and not harm us.  

Goals Update

Well I'd love to tell you the brown pants from the previous post are all loose and comfy but we're not quite there yet but I can tell you they are more comfortable than they were when I wore them a week or so ago. The big news of this update is when I look down now, I don't see my belly sticking out any more. I am not what you would call flat chested so when the belly sticks out further than the endowments it bothers me a lot. Looking down to see the belly sticking out too far has always been a major indicator for me to know I've let my weight slide too long and way too far. Needless to say when I looked down this week and did not see belly it was a very happy day  This is especially true given all the stress in our lives the last few weeks, with Cliff's lay off. In the past I would of quickly gone more than a bit off the wagon and reached for massive quantities of chocolate and pasta. Not following that old patter is indicative of one of my other goals - to gain weight spiritually being met. It is only through the grace of God and His strength that I didn't go on a binge. I want to think all of you who have been praying for us, we feel your prayers, God hears your prayers and they have made a positive difference. 

I have been walking between a mile and a half to two miles at least 3 times a week. God was good and showed my Mother a perfect place for us to walk. I've been meeting her and spending 30 to 45 min before work walking and visiting. We are both enjoying this immensely. I should also point out here that you find accountability in the strangest places. One of the workers in the Home Center Store we're walking in saw us out at breakfast, and shook his head at us. He said you just did all that walking and now you're eating. Last night I found myself (get ready for a shock) craving salad. Cliff and I both had a huge salad for dinner with romaine lettuce, broccoli slaw, cheery tomatoes, fat free croutons, cracked peppercorn smoked turkey breast. and mozzarella cheese with balsamic vinaigrette dressing. Yummy!

Rib-bit, Sniff Sniff

My husband and I have had such a nice day today. Our son is working and it's just been us. I cooked us breakfast and lunch and we've been working on projects around the house. It's been very relaxing. 

I've seen a couple of Facebook postings in the last few days that really inspired me. A friend of mine just got a teaching position teaching Special Ed at the Elementary School level. She is a sweet sweet woman and the kids are so fortunate to have her. She says her class mascot will be a frog. A frog you say, why a frog. It's to remind her to Fully Rely On God. I'll  never look at a frog the same way again. Rib-bit has a whole new meaning to me. 

I saw the picture below, and it spoke to me as well.

I mean isn't this the truth, we can be so focused on the negatives in life that we never take time to appreciate and smell the roses. No doubt Cliff being laid off is a definite thorn, but look at all the roses on the bush. We have wonderful friends that are praying for us and lifting us up. God's still in control and has a wonderful plan in place for us that He'll make clear at the right time.  Cliff's had time to work on his truck and it's finally up and running for the first time in months. He's had time to process the deer he got last week, which means I didn't have to do it in the midst of all my week's craziness and we have meat in the freezer. He's a heavy machinery mechanic and jobs for that are a lot easier to come by than those in many other fields. He has 10 years of experience as a Maintenance Supervisor. His management experience should make him more marketable and even though they did lay him off, at least they did it with a small severance package. 

So I think I'll adopt a frog as my personal mascot to remind me to Fully Rely On God, and I'll take the time to appreciate the roses in my life. 

Take care and God Bless.....

Long Week....

It's been a long long week for many reasons. First trying to get ready for closing out the accounting year at both of my jobs, dealing with quarterly taxes which are never my favorite thing. It's all added up to some very long hours at the offices. Saturday I had to make an unexpected trip out of town. Sunday I had to deal with a flat tire, and a flat spare tire. Then Monday my husband unexpectedly got laid off from his job of 10 years and I put in another 12 hour day at work. I'm just tired, and the storms seem to be looming large on our horizons. Also being a major stress eater, I've been hungry 24/7 and making the best choices has not been easy. 

But you know what? At least I have a job / jobs to go to. I called a friend and she dropped everything to take that little road trip with me on Saturday. Cliff and Colton were out of town when I had the flat Sunday but several of the wonderful men in my Sunday School Class helped me get it taken care of. I have a nice warm house to come home to at the end of the day and a super comfy bed to crash in. I have a wonderful family, wonderful friends in my MTC Group, at Church and reading this blog that are praying for us and lifting us up. We haven't panicked and I haven't hijacked any chocolate or pizza delivery trucks. Yeah, Cliff got laid off and I have no idea how God is going to work that out but I know He will. He has never failed us before, and He won't fail us now.  It is such a relief to know we don't have to figure it out. It's not our problem, it's God's and He is more than big enough and strong enough, and awesome enough to take care of it. We just have to put our faith and trust in Him, follow where He leads and keep on putting one foot in front of the other. 

Ephesians 1:18-20 (NIV)

I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, 

My Portion

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)   
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 

I posted the cartoon below Sunday night about running Monday is coming because it was cute and I really wasn't looking forward to getting up at 5:00 am. Nothing about the weekend had gone as I'd planned and I just wasn't really ready to move forward with the week. Little did I know what Monday was going to bring, fortunately God did, and He already has a plan in place to deal not only take care of it but to take care of it to our benefit.  “plans to prosper you and not to harm you"

My husband got laid off from his job of 10 years yesterday morning. We had no inkling this was coming. All of our health insurance is through his work, and all three of us have pre-existing conditions that require several prescription medicines each month. Our monthly co-pay for our meds is hefty. Without insurance? Lets just say astronomical is not an over statement. Then there's the mortgage, the electricity, the groceries, and all the other bills that have to be paid. Cliff has been the primary wage earner at our house for a long time. How on earth is this going to work?

My devotional reading yesterday morning was titled "God is my Portion" with the key scripture being Exodus 16:8 which is: Moses also said, “You will know that it was the Lord when he gives you meat to eat in the evening and all the bread you want in the morning, because he has heard your grumbling against him. Who are we? You are not grumbling against us, but against the Lord.” the author talked about when God gave the children of Israel manna from Heaven, He just gave them enough for one day, if they gathered more it would rot. God was teaching them to depend on Him, that they couldn't do it on their own. She encouraged me to turn to God when there is a problem, and pray. To tell the Father what's bothering me and that I don't have the strength needed to overcome up but ask Him to be my portion, ask Him to give me His strength to overcome whatever it is. The Bible is full of promises that He'll do just that, that with God, all things are possible. 

As I woke up this morning an hour before my alarm went off, I had plenty of time to put this in practice. For every worrisome thought Satan put in my head about how on earth we were going deal with everything we're going to have to deal with in the next weeks and months to come I prayed about it and asked God to take care of it, to show us what He would have us to do, I was immediately calmed He knows what's out there, He knows what's coming and He already has a plan, a plan to prosper us and not harm us.

He also brought to mind many biblical examples of His people that looked at how big their problems were and not how BIG our God is and got in trouble. The Israelites sent spys into the Promised Land and when the majority of them came back saying the inhabitants were too big and too numerous they could never triumph against them, they ended up wandering in the desert for 40 years. When Peter took his eyes off the Lord as he walked on the water toward Him, Peter sank like a stone.

So I choose to remember and concentrate on how very big God is, how very much He loves me and my family and trust Him to take care of us. He has already proved how much He loves us He sent his Son, so we could have eternal life and spend it with Him. Jesus overcame death. With God on our side, leading our way, holding our hand, directing our path we can over come unemployment, insurance issues, and whatever comes our way. 

I expect I'll spend quite a lot of time in the next few days and weeks to come blasting Casting Crown's song The Voice of Truth. Please look it up play it, there are several videos available of it on You Tube. I believe it will really speak to you. If I can figure out how to put a link to it in the blog I will. 

We should always remember this, but it is even more important when it appears that everything is out of control and totally overwhelming, God is in control and for God nothing is too big, nothing is too overwhelming, nothing is impossible and as His children He has given us access to that incredible power, we just have to ask Him and trust Him.

YipEEE! It's Saturday

I am so happy it's Saturday. I work two part time bookkeeping jobs. In my world Dec and early January are beyond hectic with much to do to get ready for the end of the year close. Last night I finally finished everything I know of that I needed to get done to get ready for the Accountant to come in and do her end of the year magic at my M,W,F job. I feel like I can breath today. But here's the really good part, even though it's been a highly stressful time for me the last 2 weeks, and I'm a major stress eater, when I got on the scales this morning it showed I'd lost 3.5 lbs in the last 9 days. WhaHoo, Yay Me and more importantly YAY God cause there is no way it would of happened without His help and guidance on the journey. 

Interestingly it was right as I was celebrating the loss of these lbs that I read Day 11 of Made to Crave: 21 Day Challenge. It starts with Lysa talking about passing on the complimentary Chocolate Cake that was brought to their table when she and her husband went out to dinner to celebrate their Anniversary. She talks about how important it was for her to be able to do this and lists all the reasons why they were so important. In the past this would of been extremely discouraging to me because that's just not the way I'm made. I have just as many reasons why having some cake would of been the right choice for me. Here's where it's easy to get bogged down, what are reasons to me may sound like excuses to other people and maybe for them they would just be excuses, but for me they are solid reasons. Each of us is different. In 1 Corinthians 12:27 it says: Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. It doesn't say we're the head or the leg, or the finger it says we're the body. The body has many parts and each part was designed for different things, reacts differently and has different needs. It's the same for us as individuals. It is so important for us to quit trying to fit ourselves into somebody else's box and judging ourselves by somebody else's measurement. We need to embrace who and what God made us to be and ask Him to show us what will work for each of us. It is also extremely important  be honest with ourselves and make sure our reasons are really reasons and not rationalizations or the dreaded excuse. 

For the last 20+ years I've played Bunco with a group of ladies once a month. It is a very important night to me. My husband realized very quickly that letting me have this one night out, with no family responsibilities made me much more available to him and later to our son that I was without it. I come back happier and more ready to take on whatever needs to be taken on. Let me say here how thankful I've always been for his attitude, that's the one night of the month that's totally mine, I've never had to worry about him getting home on time, child care, dinner any of the normal things, he has always taken care of all that, for this one night a month. What a gift. Not exactly where I was going with this but maybe somebody needed to read it. The point I was going for was that last week at Bunco I gave myself permission not to worry about what I ate, to just enjoy the night, high carbs, chocolate, whatever was offered. I was just going to go with the flow and not worry about it. For me this was the right choice, I didn't feel deprived or that I was missing anything, both of which have been mighty sabotors in previous weight loss endeavors. Even after giving myself a free pass I noticed I ate less of everything than I would of in the past, and I was back to my plan the next day. 

On the other hand a friend contacted me the next morning asking me to pray because she had got on the scales and gained a little. I am so thankful to have the kinds of friends who will call on me when they have a problem and that I know I can call on when I need help of some kind as well. We talked about it and prayed together about it. I had been at a function with her earlier in the week and marveled at her choices, she had been amazing, she just ate a little of the main course and I don't think she even nibbled on any of the candy, or had any of the different desserts that were offered. It was easy to remind her of this and help her see that she was winning the struggle, to help her focus on the positive and not worry so much about what the scales said, that wasn't the whole story. So what I'm saying is we both had the same choices but what was right for me wasn't right for her. Neither of us were wrong, we're just different. There's one other thing to point out here, while we prayed for her day, we also prayed for my day. I had been dreading it because I had so much I needed to get done by Sat morning before the Accountant came in to close out the books at my job. My day went so much better than anticipated, it was still a very long day but I was plugged into The Ultimate Power Source and it didn't drag me down. Once again nothing was a surprise to God, he knew we needed each other's support and He put the pieces together to bless both our lives. 


Romans 8:28 (NIV)
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Brown Pants

I can't wait to report back that the brown pants I'm wearing today have moved from the wearable to the truly comfortable category.

Plan? I'm supposed to have a plan?

Lose to Gain....today's thoughts; I want to loose weight so I'll be able to wear my Grandmother's rings again, I want to be able to fit in any seat belt and not have to worry about being embarrassed because it won't stretch far enough to latch when I grab a ride with a friend. I want to be able to routinely sit in a booth at restaurants without the table digging into my belly. As I mentioned in an earlier post it was all the little things that I've been continually coming up with when I think about what I will gain when I lose weight that inspire me to really work hard at loosing weight and eating healthier. Sure reversing diabetes and being healthier in general will be great but those goals are just too far away. I need a bunch of little attainable goals that won't take too long to get here, to keep me going day by day.

I'm not much of a planner. A friend in our MTC group challenged us all to come up with an eating plan. My first thought was no way, that never works for me. But it kept turning over and over in my brain and I finally came up with the following "Plan". I'm going to try to really think about whatever I choose to eat, I'm really going to try to stop eating just because it's there and really weigh and make a decision based on do I really really want it? is eating whatever it is worth waiting a little longer to wear those rings or fit in those booths? or is there something else I can eat that will be just as satisfying and help me reach my goals sooner rather than later?  I'm also going to try to eat healthier versions of the food I love. For instance I've switched to super thin crust pizza with more meat toppings instead of deep dish single topping pizza. Lose carbs, add in protein, a better choice and I don't feel deprived of one of my favorite foods. I'm also trying to cut down on how often I have pizza, even thin crust is probably not a great idea for weight loss if you have it 4 or 5 times a week. One of the power verses I've listed to the left is 1 Corinthians 10:23, The Good News Translation puts it this way  -  “We are allowed to do anything,” so they say. That is true, but not everything is good. “We are allowed to do anything”—but not everything is helpful. For me knowing I can have anything to eat I really want helps me to make better choices most of the time. A few chocolate chips instead of a king size candy bar or a bowl of fruit and low fat yogurt with a few walnuts instead of ice cream with chocolate syrup are better choices. My personality is such that if you tell me I can't I'm going to bend over backwards to prove I can.Telling myself I could never have a candy bar again would not work for me, but by really thinking about if I really really want it, most of the time I can walk away and choose something a little better for my "Plan"

I began to wonder where I got my basic aversion to planning. My friend put together a month long meal plan, when she was telling me about it my eyes got big, I mean seriously that will work? Then we start talking about going to the grocery store. Of course she has a list and buys weeks at a time. She looks at me and says "let me guess you don't do that". She's right I don't do that, I tend to buzz in and get what's needed to fix whatever it is I decided I'd fix in the time it takes me to drive from my office to the grocery store I pass on my way home. Needless to say she and I are not exactly wired the same way but that's OK, God made both of us and we're both wonderfully made. I also started wondering when I stopped making plans. Part of it is a busy busy life, I can't tell you how many times a day I have to recalculate even the loosest of plans. I decide I'm going to fix xyz for dinner tonight and my husband or son call and tell me they've got plans and won't be home for dinner. I'm planning on getting off at a decent hour and enjoying a nice family dinner and end up working until 8. Need I tell you if I put in an 11-12 hour day at the office I am not cooking when I get home. 

I think there is a lot of wisdom in the Willie Nelson lyrics - He ain't wrong, he's just different but his pride won't let him do things to make you think he's right. It doesn't matter if you're a planner or not a planner, someone that just has to walk away or someone that needs to know you can if you really really want to - God made us all, and He loves us all. I take a lot of comfort in the fact that even if I don't plan God has it all under control and He has a plan much better than anything I could come up with anyway, after all He sees my whole life, yesterday, today and tomorrow nothing is a surprise to Him.  

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  -   Jeremiah 29:11

Hum....

One of the tools I've found to help me along the way was on my Bible App by YouVersion just waiting for me to discover it. I've used this app for years to access the Bible in various versions on my smart phone. You can highlight, bookmark, and make notes right on the app without having to carry around a lot of extra stuff. My purse already weighs a ton, so this is a good thing for me. Anyway, I recently noticed something called plans on the app. Further investigation revealed they have a bazillion devotional plans you can use right on the app, and they had one called Made to Crave:21 Day Challenge from the same lady that wrote the Made To Crave book I was going through with the ladies MTC (Made to Crave) group I meet with weekly. I encourage you to check it out. Here's where my head went on the first day. 

On 1/2/13 the scripture referenced was Psalm 139, which tells us how well God knows each and everyone of us. You might not get how I'm wired but God definitively does.
Psalm 139:13-14 says:  For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, How awesome is that? He understands me, and He considers me wonderful. Powerful stuff, but doesn't it follow that if He went to all the trouble to put that much into creating me, He expects me to take care of what He created? I'm thinking it does which means starting to take better care of myself and count on God to help me do so is something I need to do. Later on in this same chapter of Psalms in vs 23-24, it says: Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Isn't it cool that God doesn't just find the bad stuff in us and leave us to deal with it, He shows us how to get rid of, and away from it. 

One of the points Lysa made was that she had realized that she had been depending on food more than depending on God. The morning I read this, God started asking me about all the things I was putting in front of Him. What was I spending my time and energy on? Was it reading His Word, and seeking His Will. I started asking myself "What do I crave more than God" I believe answering this question and rearranging my priorities will be key to both a physical weight loss and a spiritual weight gain. For me one of the things was definitively food, think about, how many times a day some thought about food crosses your mind. What do I want for breakfast? How about lunch? Geez how much longer till lunch? What should I fix for dinner? I'm hungry and the list goes on and on. What if every time a food thought pops in my head, instead of pursuing it, I pursue God. I could take the opportunity to thank God for something He's done or is going to do, I could ask His help with a problem, I could pray for a friend, I could ask for wisdom to deal this issue or that one, I could pray for our County, our Military, our President, I could ask Him what He wants me to do today, is there someone He wants me to talk to today. The bottom line is I could spend time visiting with God, sharing my day with Him. I know it makes me sad when my son doesn't take the time out of his busy day to talk to me, I want to know how he's doing, what's going on, and more importantly that he wants to spend time with me, rather it's a call or a quick text or whatever. The important part is he cares enough to check in. I know God wants the same from me, He'd like me to check in and not treat Him like Santa Clause or a Genie and only come talk to Him when I want something. Also just like me with Colton, God is interested in the piddly little details of our lives. The New Living Translation of Psalm 37:23-24 says:

The Lord directs the steps of the godly. 

He delights in every detail of their lives.

Though they stumble, they will never fall, 

for the Lord holds them by the hand.

Soup or Salad?

The coolest thing happened at lunch today.  I had decided what the heck, I was cold, I had done really well on food choices yesterday and I was going to have 1/2 sandwich and a cup of baked potato soup for lunch today, the only thing is when I got to the counter I heard myself order a 1/2 sandwich and a salad. Not what I was expecting to do, but the salad sure was good and I'm sure it was much more beneficial to my sugar levels than the soup would of been. 

Lose to Gain? How does that work?

So Lose to Gain? where's the sense in that? Well I really really love food, I particularly love Italian, Mexican and Chocolate Food, none of which are really good, especially in mass quantities for someone that is borderline diabetic and over weight. I realized that I really needed to get in control, loose weight and make better food choices. The problem with that is even the word DIET makes me want to rush for the chocolate chips. After fighting this battle for many years I know that saying I can't have this or that is totally self defeating. I'm one of those people that if you tell me I can't I'll rush right in and prove I can. 

I'm a mental eater. When I'm stressed I eat, I had suspected this for years but it was proven beyond a doubt several years ago when my Mother-in-law was in the hospital. She had been fighting cancer for quite awhile and was hospitalized after suddenly not being able to walk and collapsing. We were in her room, with her dinner tray setting on the table next to me when the Dr came in and told us the cancer had spread to the lining of her brain and she only had a few days left to live. As he walked out I looked down and noticed chocolate crumbs down my front and on my fingers. I looked over at her dinner tray and realized the huge piece of chocolate cake that had been sitting there was gone. I had picked it up and eaten the whole thing without even realizing I'd picked it up. 

For a long time I thought well, when I'm less stressed I'll try to do something about my weight but the truth is my life is stressed. I have a nineteen year old with learning issues, a husband that is quite wonderful about taking his meds to keep it under control but is in fact Bi-Polar, I have a father-in-law in very poor health that depends on me a lot, and aging parents of my own. Quite honestly my stress levels aren't likely to be going down anytime soon. 

So I made up my mind come the first of the year, I was going to get serious about making better eating choices, I have to get my sugar levels down where they belong. I asked God to help me with this, to please show me how to make it work this time, and get it together. God is so so good. Almost by the time I'd even began to think this, a friend put a posting on Facebook saying she was starting a Women's encouragement/accountability group for any of us that needed to make a change and start on the road to better eating and better health. She said we'd be using a book called "Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food" by Lysa TerKeurst. We starting meeting at 6:00 AM one day a week a few blocks from my office. I don't have to be in until 8:30 so no excuse there, this was definitely something I could do. I started reading the book, very interesting. It really grabbed my attention when the author noted that she had never in her life craved carrot sticks, well need I tell you neither have I so I thought - maybe this could work. 

The next thing that happened was God led me to start a list of all the things I would gain by loosing weight. It started out pretty simple a few of the things I listed were; better health, lower my sugar counts, more stamina, kinda normal pie in the sky big picture stuff, can't say it was really motivating to me. Then I started thinking gee it sure would be nice for my boobs to stick out farther than my belly again. Sure would like to be able to cross my legs comfortably again, gosh it would be nice to actually fit in the chairs at restaurants, concerts etc, suddenly I was motivated, these were concrete can see them right away kinds of goals to work towards. At this point, not a day has gone by that I haven't thought of something else I'd gain by losing the weight. Most days I think of several things to add to the list and that's how I came up with the name of this blog. Lose to Gain that's what I'm about in 2013.